Resolutions

So I have been of mind the past numerous years that resolutions are not necessarily a good thing...  Why should a random date said to be the beginning of a new year by people who we don't know be monumentous or significant enough to lead to change?  Could not any date be given the same power? 

I have not been kind to myself for sometime.  I have not felt worthy.   I have not taken care of myself.   I need to make changes. 

So I am going to write each day.  Nothing fancy.  Just something to grow myself.  To hear myself. To care about the feelings and person that I am. 

Today, what did I do for myself? 

I upheld the tradition that Nikki and I started several years ago and spent the day at the movie theatre.  Was this a deep meaningful personal growth sort of thing?  Nope.  But I enjoy movies.  I enjoy the sense of escapism they provide.  I enjoy the entertainment factor.  I like to ponder the act of crafting a movie, the act of portrayal of another person / role, the special effects.  I love all genres except that of horror.  It was a lovely fun way to start a new year.  A year that I plan to value myself. 

During these movies, I laughed.  Laughter is something I have always valued highly.  I have a tattoo of a quote that Liskie said to me daily.  "Mumma, Did you laugh today?"   I laughed today.   The uplighting feeling, the joy that bubbles up within with laughter is very fulfilling and people really need to live in those brief fleeting moments.  Sorror, sadness, etc. is not very fleeting.  They nest in us.  They make themselves comfortable and build a home.  They establish a root system.  Laugh every day to combat that.  Smile often.  Let the smile be real and authentic and permeate your being.  : )    It lifts your soul and that of the recipient. 

I spoke to my mom on the phone.  I spoke to both of my daughters on the phone at different times.   I heard each of them tell me they love me.  I told each of these people I love them.   I am trying to hear this and feel this.   I cuddled my animals and savoured the unconditional love we share. 

I ate a Barley toy / clear toy sucker that was given as a Christmas gift.  It was delicious and reminded of my childhood. 

I bought some fruit to eat as I want to provide myself with some actual nourishment.  My food choices are rarely nourishing. 

And I wrote. 

Heather, keep writing.