Depressed and Confused

I am really really messed up.  It was this time last year that I very seriously embarked on getting healthy.  I exercised more in the past 12 months then I have in my entire adult life.  I made better, healthier choices and I felt positive change. 

Then, 2 months ago, once we returned from a great vacation, my back was in a lot of pain.  I have had continual chiropractic treatments, deep tissue massage and am now on my 2nd prescription with xrays yesterday.  My body doesn't not feel like my own anymore.  I cannot wear my clothes, I need help to get up and down often, walking doesn't last long nor does standing.  Different seats cause different degrees of discomfort or pain.  I am depressed and confused and what do I do when this is the case?  I eat sugary things.  : (

My weight buddy, who was on here with me and on the journey towards good health this year is doing nothing short of amazing.  I am proud of her and thrilled for her.

What Will We Leave Behind? Motherhood: All tied up together

Do you ever think about death?  I don't think about it too much.... just now and then.  Seems I often think about it when I am feeling a profound moment of pride or connection with my children and I then think of how it would feel like to not have them or for them to not have me.  I had two life dreams and one was to become a mother.  It was a long road for us to become parents and I am so thankful and blessed that it came true.  We have two beautiful daughters and a supportive family & network of friends that helped us navigate infertility and adoption and all the challenges that parenting has brought along.  It is exhausting, frustrating, confusing all the time.  It is also rewarding, joyous, blissful, exciting all the time.   I head to my great aunt's funeral this morning (I went to my uncle's last week) so as I reflect and contemplate Nora's life and the gifts / experiences she leaves behind I ponder my own and know that while I don't want to leave my children any time soon, I am a good mom and my contribution to raising two good kids will be a legacy / mark I will leave.  I know a LOT of amazing moms.  My own mom, my colleagues at work are sensational moms, some are "moms-in-lieu-of" and deliver such love and dedication, I have friends who are truly fantastic moms, I even have some friends who are moms-to-be who shall be fabulous.  I wish you all an amazing Mother's Day!   You bring so much to the world every day!  Never doubt a moment of it.

Exciting Day

Our eldest has an exciting day today!!!!  She is performing in the school's musical!  Tonight is the first performance.  : )  So excited for her.  Other then Reader's Theater when she was little, this is her first "real" performance.  So proud she stuck with it as she thought about quitting a while back.  I have complete confidence she will be the best darn villager / fork that Beauty & the Beast Jr. has ever had.  : )  love u Big D!!!! xoxoxo

Election Day

Please God... please don't let them get in.  Please...   I pray a lot.  You know that.   And it probably seems frivolous to pray about a political party not getting in in the grand scheme of the global picture.  But I am praying God.  Please DON'T LET THEM GET IN.  Thanks for listening God.  Love, H xo

I heartily recommend Apples & Onions

Wow! I cannot believe it has been since May since I last blogged. It has been an incredible summer. I so very much wish I had blogged about it. We had some wonderful family time and we actually got out camping twice too. The kids very much seemed to enjoy the summer. What sensational weather we had too!

We have slowly but surely renovated our family room over the summer too. I am so excited about it and it is really almost finished up. I am putting the last touches on it. Then I will have an album to post of pics!

With the family room reno, has come a new policy to eat together at the island in our kitchen every night. I hate to admit that we ate on the couch whilst watching tv before but the cat is out of the bag so I will suck it up and wear that reveal. We have been so enjoying our meals together in our new room. (It is open concept family room / kitchen combo but we really only reno'd the family room part). \

A couple of nights ago, I asked my husband to tell us the best thing about his day and the worst thing (worst first of course to end with something positive) and our eldest, piped up and said that is "Apples & Onions!" We have since done it around the island every night and what amazing conversations we have. It begins lovely discussions and marvellous sharing of our lives apart from each other, giving detailed glimpses into our days away from home. We have had lots of laughs in just a couple days and then we also often remember the apples & onions from day to day and inquire about specific things. I heartily recommend this and I sincerely hope we continue it! It has really enriched our lives & time together. :)

Owning it & Embracing it

Last night, I headed up to bed before my hubby and went to wash my face and saw that I needed, yet again, to tweeze unwanted hairs from my visage dammit! This whole growing of more body hair as one ages is just another sucky element to getting older right? So then I think I should use the make up mirror and I sit down with tweezers in hand and turn it on and it magnifies my face so much I gasp. LOL. Hubby bought me that mirror when I was 19 or 20 (maybe 21), it was never difficult to look at oneself then but fast forward a couple decades and then have a peek. So after thinking yuck for a moment or two, then I really look at myself. There are some marks on my face and some fine lines too... and then I had an epiphany. It is my face and every single mark and line tell a story and speak to who I am. I embrace each and every one. I bet I experienced the acquisition of each one to its fullest. I also live life with 150% of emotion & passion so I am sure I did. My face and my body make me who I am. I like who I am. While I am working hard to change my body (and succeeding in baby steps but steps nonetheless), I am me and I like me. I did not always like me so this is a big deal. Being in your 40's is not so bad is it? It is a time when you really start to get yourself and life in general. An ah-ha moment for me. :) Have a super long weekend all!

Some Daycare Moments: A Dinosaur and a Tough Frog & Some Sticker Stories

On the day of the Rockathon, XK, was with me at close. I asked him if he wanted to rock for the last couple minutes and he was content with what he was doing and said "Nope." He had a large dinosaur puppet and a blue / black toy frog but did not have his hand in the puppet. So we were on the deck, and I was rocking finishing out the event's required rocking and he and I were talking. So tell me how your story starts I asked. He responded "This dinosaur has been around a long time. So have the frogs. There are way more frogs then the dinosaurs. This dinosaur likes to eat the frogs. This frog is the last one. He is chewing him," and he shows me by sticking the frog in the mouth and using his hands to make the teeth chomp and chomp. So I say "the last one, eh?" And he says "yup, he takes way more chewing then the others."

I got the stickers off the daycare vehicle. I loved designing them when I was told I had to have them. I never wanted them but I got them and loved designing them. So... after 3 1/2 years, I got them off. I kept one though. A Bubble. I have named it "JennyBubble" :) So many of the kids have a lot to say about the stickers being gone. Yesterday, SD, told his teachers that it rained so hard (which it seriously did - torrentially in the afternoon while we were at daycare) that it washed the stickers off my car. Later he came down and had to ask me where they went and why. I thought and responded with "Well, you know how sometimes we give you a sticker and you put it on your hand or your arm," and he nodded. "Sometimes it gets itchy and you take it off," and he nodded. "Well that is what happened." I said. "They got itchy." And he seemed okay with that answer.

CB was most displeased with the stickers being gone. Sad and unimpressed really. He told his mom that "Hedder's car is not colorful anymore." last night as they left the daycare. This morning on the way to daycare, he said to her. "I thought about some more." His mom had no idea what he was talking about and asked him what he meant. "Hedder's car, Mom. I am going to paint it for her." LOL :)

All of the kids are saying my car is naked now, or that it is "nakey" and a couple said it needs a sweater.

Insanity Reigns

Random out of the blue conversation which began by our child 7 yr old who has no disorder to our knowledge "Mom, I don't think I have ADHD, I just think" then 10 yr old interrupts laughing uproariously, saying "now you are going to say you have mental problems." Mother, (me), throws hands in air and busts up laughing. Cat (5 months runs around us, Dog (14 months) running to. Chaos, Mayhem = home!!!! Mother "I love you guys!" Father rolls eyes and says ... "


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A great Friday

How your day goes is really all a matter of perspective eh??? I had had a horrible sleep & had to take numerous pain meds to fight a hell of a headache. Came to work to a job I love & coworkers I love working with and of course my day got infinitely better. Not terribly productive what with doorbells & phone calls but being surrounded by ppl you enjoy working & all committed to a common goal fuels one's day.

I went and gave blood and I love for many reasons. While there, no person (child or adult), no creature, no summons comes for me, no doorbells or phones = bliss. I take my iPod & feel thoroughly content. I am giving the gift of life while having some me time. How divine! Why do I have to wait so many weeks for this to take place again? (that is rhetorical eh)

So tonight is a sleepover at work, and I know I say it a lot but I just LOVE the people I work with. A bunch volunteered & once the kids were asleep we didn't even watch one movie.... We just talked & laughed & enjoyed each other's company until 2 a.m. :)

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Wishing my iPod had a microphone

Laying in bed.... Cannot possibly sleep.... Husband , whom I love, don't get me wrong, is snoring off the richter scale. Arggggggggh!


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