Hand me the Ice: Occipital Neuralgia

I never had a headache as a child.  Not as a teenager either.  Honestly had no idea what a headache was even like. 

Then around the time I was 23, I started having them.  And not casual little headaches.  Migraines and tension headaches.  Debilitating pain.  I have worked in Early Childhood Education for about 30 years now and needless to say, it ain't quiet work.  I remember vividly, the first time I had a multi-day one, 8 days long.  I wore black sunglasses to work every day, all day. 

I used to be awake all night and ice has always been my friend.  I remember Grant sitting up with me for a while one night as I described to him what I thought would be the best thing in the world.   I could visualize it so clearly.  A motorcycle helmet.   And it would somehow be filled with either gel or liquid that you freeze and then you just put it on and your entire head is enveloped in the cooling bliss that is ice blocking the pain. 

Over the years, I have seen neurologists, I have attended migraine support groups, I have taken meditation, tried accupuncture, naturopathic treatments, written headache logs, prescriptions for imitrex, fiorinal, demoral and more. Once I became a mom, I never wanted to be out of it if my baby needed me so I switched to tigerbalm, aveda blue oil and of course my old friend, ice. 

At the very beginning of November 2017, I had a brutal headache.  The pain is soooooo difficult to describe.  The consistent non-ending pain lasted 117 days in a row.  I went to a conference in Atlanta with it.  I curled up in a ball in a dark corner in the venue trying to get a break to be able to go see the next presenter.  I went to emergency at the hospital several times. And my TMJ specialist gave me some pain meds that would give me brief moments of respite.  That one headache ended when I advocated for myself at emerg again by saying that someone suggested occipital neuralgia (O/N).  See each time I went to the hospital, they gave me IV pain meds that really did not do anything. 

Let me try to describe the pain, first off you have to know that your entire head hurts.  It feels very very heavy.  Your neck hurts and possibly your shoulders as it feels like you can hardly hold your head up.   While the whole head hurts, the worse is that there is a very very very tight band that feels almost like metal that encircles your head at the edge of your hairline.  Take your fingers and run them along the top of your neck where your hair starts and follow that up the sides and over along your ears and then along to the front across your forehead.   Imagine that soft touching causing tremendous flinching pain.   Imagine that the moment your fingers slide up behind your ears, you feel woozy and an urge to vomit.  Imagine the room spinning when you move your head, whether up or turning it.  The pain being so bad that you sometimes find drawing in a deep breath intensifies the pain. 

So at that emerg trip, I told the doctor that I thought it might be O/N.  He listened and then told me he really did not think so.  I told him that I certainly did not think I was a doctor but that I was trying in vain to figure out what it could be.  He had me hooked up to an iv and same pain meds as before began dripping in.   As it was almost finished he came in and looked at me and said you must feel a lot better now.   I looked at him sadly and said I feel the exact same.  He appeared both surprised and perplexed.  Well, he said, we could try the injections for O/N.  It might help.  So off he went to get it.  He explained that it would hurt.  It would burn. I did not care in the least.  He got the needle ready (as it goes in back of head I could not see it) and he said he had to locate the exact spot so he began to gently feel and prod and as he did this I (in all my large woman capacity) jumped off the table.  I was sitting and my body reflexively bolted upwards.  He looked at me and said well that pretty much confirms that diagnosis.  He put the medication in via needle and it hurt and it burned and I did not care.  He then went to the other side to inject there and I flinched but did not jump anywhere near the same amount.  He said it appears that you have unilateral occipital neuralgia not bilateral but we are going to do both sides. 

He called me the next day.  I felt so much better.  The relief was quite apparent and lasted for a couple months.  He had warned me I would likely need this done every three months or so. 

Almost 3 months to the day, I was at another medical emergency department here in HRM and a Dr. Best gave me the injections.   First set of injections into both sides was freezing and then steroids in as well.  Another close to 3 months. 

Now I was not headache free during those months, but I was free of the never ending ceaseless agony.   I truly would not wish this pain on anyone and some people in my life have hurt me and then of course there are people in the world who have hurt lots of people and I would not wish it on them at all. 

So when it was time for the next set of injections, I found out Dr. Best left the province.  Apparently there are only a few ppl who will do it.  And going to emerg would be hit or miss (with more misses) to find someone to treat the pain / condition with these injections. 

So I have tried chiropractic, physiotherapy, dry needling (with some success) and also a type of massage therapy on the head that I call agony massage (with some success). 

I have been told about a pain treatment clinic that I am now seeking a referral too that can do regular nerve blocks for it. 

Currently it comes in waves from always bad to brutal.  The past week every day has been significantly more painful. 

Thank goodness for ice. 

Resolutions

So I have been of mind the past numerous years that resolutions are not necessarily a good thing...  Why should a random date said to be the beginning of a new year by people who we don't know be monumentous or significant enough to lead to change?  Could not any date be given the same power? 

I have not been kind to myself for sometime.  I have not felt worthy.   I have not taken care of myself.   I need to make changes. 

So I am going to write each day.  Nothing fancy.  Just something to grow myself.  To hear myself. To care about the feelings and person that I am. 

Today, what did I do for myself? 

I upheld the tradition that Nikki and I started several years ago and spent the day at the movie theatre.  Was this a deep meaningful personal growth sort of thing?  Nope.  But I enjoy movies.  I enjoy the sense of escapism they provide.  I enjoy the entertainment factor.  I like to ponder the act of crafting a movie, the act of portrayal of another person / role, the special effects.  I love all genres except that of horror.  It was a lovely fun way to start a new year.  A year that I plan to value myself. 

During these movies, I laughed.  Laughter is something I have always valued highly.  I have a tattoo of a quote that Liskie said to me daily.  "Mumma, Did you laugh today?"   I laughed today.   The uplighting feeling, the joy that bubbles up within with laughter is very fulfilling and people really need to live in those brief fleeting moments.  Sorror, sadness, etc. is not very fleeting.  They nest in us.  They make themselves comfortable and build a home.  They establish a root system.  Laugh every day to combat that.  Smile often.  Let the smile be real and authentic and permeate your being.  : )    It lifts your soul and that of the recipient. 

I spoke to my mom on the phone.  I spoke to both of my daughters on the phone at different times.   I heard each of them tell me they love me.  I told each of these people I love them.   I am trying to hear this and feel this.   I cuddled my animals and savoured the unconditional love we share. 

I ate a Barley toy / clear toy sucker that was given as a Christmas gift.  It was delicious and reminded of my childhood. 

I bought some fruit to eat as I want to provide myself with some actual nourishment.  My food choices are rarely nourishing. 

And I wrote. 

Heather, keep writing.

Jan. 2/2017

Today's highlight was spending a great chunk of the day with a friend whose company I really enjoy, Nikki. We love to chat about our work with children, our fitness aspirations, our pursuit of new hobbies and of course we are movie buddies. We had a movie with what felt like a private showing as we have the theatre to ourselves then had a yummy chatty lunch and another movie to cap of our time together. Grateful for Nikki's friendship :)

Jan. 1/2017

The highlight of the day, January 1st, was goofing around with my baby, Loo-loo, and listening to her laugh as I tickled her. (For those of you not in the know... she is 14 years old... I am lucky she still has goofy moments with me <3) Grateful for our mutual silliness.

I have been regret free the majority of my life. If you regret something, then you wind up also regretting good things as everything is attached to everything else. There were some crappy things in 2016 for sure... but there were bright shining beautiful lovely moments that happened throughout the whole year as well. Moments of joy with my children, my friends, exploring new locales, new adventures etc. Highlights included South Carolina discussing our program with Peter Gray (thanks to my darling friend & roommate Stephanie Krause), meeting the dear MrJim McCullough, seeing Lenore Skenazy again, presenting in Maryland and connecting with a ton of amazing ECEs there, exploring Washington DC with Dan, having lots of fun Rene time, paddle boarding for the first time in Ontario with my bff Kimberly and riding the rides at CW with her fam <3, staying at the Royal York for a night with my babies! seeing the Wonder of Learning Exhibit (thanks to Sarray!), connecting with Michael and  Tom in Maryland although too briefly, time with Amy and Steph (also too brief!), presenting in Vermont at GMTC and adventuring there with my Loo-loo. Too little time there with Gail , Cori, Billie, Sara , Betsy, Matt, Louise, Cathyand Penny. Hearing and meeting and hanging out with Marc Armitage and beginning to wrap my head around PLAYWORK. Chillaxing with Rusty both in South Carolina AND Ithaca! Tagged along with the Community Play School-Public crew to Ithaca and did more reflective learning and pondering and explored the amazing Ithaca Children's Garden! Spent time with Courtney Gardner in South Carolina, Baltimore, Rockville(?), Adamstown, Halifax, Dummerston and Ithaca (I believe that is 8 conferences together all in different places Court!!!) and of course then there was my adventure to NYC all by myself for a crazee 30 hours of Broadway and exploration with a stop in PEI on the way home to meet and listen to Dr. Jane Goodall. Time in the summer in PEI at the creepy schoolhouse place was an adventure with Kelly & Kira & Lisk. The road trip to Quebec to see Loo-loo compete in the Atlantics for gymnastics was another adventure. 6 weeks of a meditation course with Nikki and my first Reiki ever with Phyllis and tried EFT too. Lots and lots of Paint Nite adventures with Erin, John, Sam, Zara, Darlene Tanya and Jodi too, movies and books and some delightful evenings at Neptune with Kelly and then being a part of the TRex Triplets with my girls at Hal-con. Through the whole year spending time working hand in hand with the sensational team of KIDS R KIDS Early Learning Centre to provide a great program for the families and growing and learning together. Going to the Pep Rally with team members and learning together and vicariously experience the big NYC adventure that two groups of KrKELC team members had thanks to CD Tours & Amine. Well holy smokes... I am exhausted reflecting on it all!!!!! 2017 brings about a lot of change for me!!!! My eldest graduates high school this year and adventures out of NS to university!!!! Cutting the apron strings will be hard for me!!! (LOL! me in an apron!) She is ready! Grant and I have done a great job with her as have her teachers, friends, other family members etc.  Danielle has gotten herself a job this past year and has done a lot of thinking / reflecting on her future. It pains me to admit she is ready to spread her wings but that is part of being a parent right??? Give them roots AND wings. So I wish everyone a Happy Healthy 2017. May it be another roller coaster year with anxiety laden yet exciting climbs up the big hills awaiting the thrill of the high speed plunges downward and then up again or upside down or zipping around the corners with excited cries of let's do it again! Adventure forth and also enjoys times with family, snuggled close, reading books or enjoying lovely meals together. With love and dear wishes to all my friends for a great New Year! xoxox Heather

My Faith and My Lenten Plan for 2012 (SPIRITUAL CONTENT WARNING AS WELL AS POSSIBLE RAMBLING)

I have two articles that I enjoyed so very much today that one friend posted on my wall: http://www.sojo.net/blogs/2012/02/21/fat-tuesday-and-skinny-wednesday  and another friend had posted in the newsfeed: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/28361-why-practicing-lent-is-crazy .  I enjoyed both very much and would love to share them with others.  

While I was brought up Catholic, I was never asked by my parents to give anything up for lent and I can't even say we had pancakes on Shrove Tuesday.  We may have but I can't recall.  We sporadically got ashes on Ash Wednesday.  We did go to church, my mom, brother and I pretty much every week but that was about it.   

For many many years after being confirmed I had no interest whatsoever in church.  NONE. 

They, when I was newly married, I became a lector at St. Pius.  I enjoyed it.  I usually went alone.  My hubby was an altar boy when he was young but is pretty quiet about his beliefs.  I also read at St. Joseph's once we lived in Whites Lake.   

I have had many periods of being upset with church and organized religion.  I have had hiatuses because some principle or practice or interpretation the church has will severely piss me off and then I need a lot of reflection and examination of my own faith and beliefs before I go back.   I have on many an occassion called myself a Recovering Catholic.  

Being a parent has led me to try to be more involved.  I think it is a huge responsibility to share your faith and to help your child develop their own faith.   It is also really a challenge to always remember that it is THEIR faith.   My eldest asked me about a year or two ago if I would be angry if she became a Muslim some day.  I said that I needed some time to think about that.  Truthfully, I know very little about the Muslim faith.  I hardly know a lot about Catholicism.   So I thought for a couple days.  I did not research the Muslim faith because it was not about that.  I thought about how I had felt an immediate pang of sadness and frustration.  What was that all about?  Was I not doing my job as a parent?  Was I not modelling appropriately?   Did I need for my child to be a Catholic?  What had I agreed to when she was baptized?  What are my obligations here as far as God is concerned?   So after a couple days, I said "I am ready to answer you about your faith question.   Every religion has pros and cons.  Everyone in every religion is still an individual that takes in all the information and turns it around and comes to conclusions about it.   I want you to really learn about all you can before you make any decision about any faith.   I will never be angry about it.  It is personal.  It is your relationship with God."  She remembers none of this... except for asking me if I would be angry.   LOL. and I thought so hard about it... oh well... I stand by what I came up with should she or the other one ask me something similar.  LOL

So I attend a Catholic church.  I practice numerous elements of the Catholic Faith.   I am not a zealot by any means.  It is a flawed religion.   Aren't they all?  And shouldn't they be as we ourselves are all flawed?  How can we develop an organized religion that isn't flawed when we barely know anything of what God knows?  

So this brings me to Lent.   For me as a parent, when my kids were a bit younger, we had taken about a year off church, maybe a year and a half.  I had on many occassions during that year bought games and videos at Blessings, the store in Bayers Lake.  We have an awesome board game about Easter that is based on the children's game Memory.  We had some great discussions.  I had storybooks from the same store about Easter.  These discussions were far more rich and involved then most we have after a mass we attend.   It was then that we discussed sacrifice.   

So that was when I started giving things up.   I know that giving up chocolate or some such things (chips, nachos, pop, fill in the blank) is nothing compared to giving up your only son (as in God's case) or giving up your life (as in Jesus' case) (and yes I know they are one and the same) BUT when you give anything up, you have some measure of suffering (again nothing like what they went through) but you contemplate it, you miss it, you crave it, you have moments of regret, confusion, times you doubt yourself, times you are proud of yourself, times you think what you are doing is ridiculous etc etc etc.  And then when you think about the ultimate sacrifice that was done for us, you say this is nothing at all, this is no sacrifice compared to that.  That was LOVE.  Unconditional true, deep abiding LOVE.  This is something so minor for us in on little lives but it is a way for us to have time to think, to stop, to realize how human we are and just maybe how grateful we are.   

 I am going to be more loving to my family, send them some notes, and I am going to use some TV time for other things like household tasks, exercise, organization, reading, scrapbooking.  I am going to do something fitness oriented every day.  And I will fast from sweets.  I will reflect on these choices.  They will all make me more loving as well as healthier.  These are both gifts.  

What a Day!!!!

Today seems and feels like it was an unbelievably long day!!!!

Started off with a trip to the massage therapist / accupuncturist / chinese medicine specialist I am seeing as I am on a quest to get my back and my body in general healthier and more focussed.

Then once at work, my vision went really wonky. I do suffer from migraines but have never had an aura migraine. Did not even know what it would look like. While I was in the kitchen at work, I was holding a pumpkin plate and moving it back and forth as I thought is was a special hologram plate. Two colleagues asked what I was doing and when I said I thought it was cool cuz the pumpkin was moving, they looked at me strangely and said... "ummm... it's not moving H." Another colleague sort of freaked me out cuz she told me I was getting an aura migraine and to take something asap... LOL. So took a couple pills, slapped some AVEDA blue oil on my forehead and hoped for the best. LOL. As the wonky vision continued to expand and everything looked more and more under water... I was in awe. I did not have any head pain yet and kept thinking it was pretty cool. The pain began as the vision got better and the meds kept it under control with the lights off.

Then, went to work to cram some stuff in before I went to meet with the faith leader at my church, the priest. That was an hour and a half of major spiritual debate, discussion, dialogue. It felt pretty intense and led to possibly more confusion. But I need to process it.

So then back to work and after getting some tasks done, the work day concluded with an involved discussion on Emergent Curriculum. Which was timely as I begin a course in it tomorrow... hmmmmm.... a sign perhaps.

Decided to go to a flick with a colleague / friend and called home to see if cool with hubby & kids... felt guilty but decided to go for it. The movie, The Big Year (with Steve Martin, Jack Black & Owen Wilson) was not about what I thought it would be about. It was wonderful (I had to pop some headache medication during it). I was sad my kids weren't with me as it was funny, somewhat moving and had marvellous messages about following your dreams, sacrificing, commitment, family and perseverence.

Came home feeling like the day was a month and a roller coaster and then walked in to the dog having eaten my wireless headset that was mega-expensive and I had had for a couple years!!!! She got in my gym bag. I was soooo livid. ARgH! :( Ebay here I come cuz Motorola don't make 'em anymore :(

Then had some other challenges and now... I thought I would note how freaky, wonky, up and down my day was as I try to rest before tomorrow's course.

Looking forward to going to Nocture tomorrow night.

Live, Love & Laugh guys!
Over & Out
H

Good Mornin'! How's everybody today? :)

Watching @DavidHasselhoff on the new show Same Name @CBSTweets great concept, I have <3 him since Baywatch & Knight Rider :)

@CBSTweet WHAT THE HELL WERE U THINKING PUTTING BRENCHEL BACK IN THERE? our eyes & ears r bleeding they r sooo frickin' annoying!