Depressed and Confused

I am really really messed up.  It was this time last year that I very seriously embarked on getting healthy.  I exercised more in the past 12 months then I have in my entire adult life.  I made better, healthier choices and I felt positive change. 

Then, 2 months ago, once we returned from a great vacation, my back was in a lot of pain.  I have had continual chiropractic treatments, deep tissue massage and am now on my 2nd prescription with xrays yesterday.  My body doesn't not feel like my own anymore.  I cannot wear my clothes, I need help to get up and down often, walking doesn't last long nor does standing.  Different seats cause different degrees of discomfort or pain.  I am depressed and confused and what do I do when this is the case?  I eat sugary things.  : (

My weight buddy, who was on here with me and on the journey towards good health this year is doing nothing short of amazing.  I am proud of her and thrilled for her.

What Will We Leave Behind? Motherhood: All tied up together

Do you ever think about death?  I don't think about it too much.... just now and then.  Seems I often think about it when I am feeling a profound moment of pride or connection with my children and I then think of how it would feel like to not have them or for them to not have me.  I had two life dreams and one was to become a mother.  It was a long road for us to become parents and I am so thankful and blessed that it came true.  We have two beautiful daughters and a supportive family & network of friends that helped us navigate infertility and adoption and all the challenges that parenting has brought along.  It is exhausting, frustrating, confusing all the time.  It is also rewarding, joyous, blissful, exciting all the time.   I head to my great aunt's funeral this morning (I went to my uncle's last week) so as I reflect and contemplate Nora's life and the gifts / experiences she leaves behind I ponder my own and know that while I don't want to leave my children any time soon, I am a good mom and my contribution to raising two good kids will be a legacy / mark I will leave.  I know a LOT of amazing moms.  My own mom, my colleagues at work are sensational moms, some are "moms-in-lieu-of" and deliver such love and dedication, I have friends who are truly fantastic moms, I even have some friends who are moms-to-be who shall be fabulous.  I wish you all an amazing Mother's Day!   You bring so much to the world every day!  Never doubt a moment of it.

Exciting Day

Our eldest has an exciting day today!!!!  She is performing in the school's musical!  Tonight is the first performance.  : )  So excited for her.  Other then Reader's Theater when she was little, this is her first "real" performance.  So proud she stuck with it as she thought about quitting a while back.  I have complete confidence she will be the best darn villager / fork that Beauty & the Beast Jr. has ever had.  : )  love u Big D!!!! xoxoxo

Election Day

Please God... please don't let them get in.  Please...   I pray a lot.  You know that.   And it probably seems frivolous to pray about a political party not getting in in the grand scheme of the global picture.  But I am praying God.  Please DON'T LET THEM GET IN.  Thanks for listening God.  Love, H xo